The night before

I am totally freaking out. No actually I’m not. That was Friday/Saturday/earlier on today. Now a sense of calm has overtaken me and I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not.

Basically I really am not sure if I am good enough to do this course. The old self doubt had started kicking in.

On our precourse we had to do something called Ruby Kickstart which comprises of 6 sessions made up of lots of challenges and I found it so hard. I’ve read a few books on Ruby but they just seem to be covering so much stuff that I haven’t. The worst part is that I can see my fellow students answers and it’s not like I have an ‘aha’ moment when I see them. I just think ‘what the hell!’

Like I say, what if I’m not good enough, what if next week everybody else is way ahead of me?What if they have to ask me to come back for a later cohort? I had a talk with my best friend and he was telling me that I should try not to worry and that I have 12 weeks ahead of me to learn. That everybody else is probably in the same boat.

It’s just that this is such a monumentous thing to do. Give up my job and live off my savings for the next three months, potentially four or five as I’m not going to get a job straight away. It doesn’t help that we have been sent a book to read and ten videos to watch. Argh!

I feel like it’s not going to be an early night for me tonight, a mixture of nerves and excitement is going to be keeping me up.

The first day of the rest of my life starts tomorrow!

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